Reflections on Transformation: A Journey of Self-Discovery and Change
My journey through life has been marked by profound moments of realization that have transformed me in ways I never imagined. From being an abandoned child to overcoming the challenges of bipolar disorder, my life has been a series of transformations that have shaped me into who I am today.
Identity and Early Realizations
I was born into a tumultuous journey, as an abandoned baby, raised by a kind but poor widow who already had four children of her own. This began my life's saga of change and adaptation. In 1968, when I was finally enrolled in a public school, I experienced a revelation that my peers did not acknowledge my uniqueness. Initially, I struggled to accept the truth; it was not until I was middle-aged that I started to truly understand and accept my differences. This process was gradual, made manifest through my growing awareness of healthcare as a complex and mystical field, where astrology and spirituality intersected. My beliefs in these areas, along with my protective cats, brought me into contact with a deeper understanding of spiritual realities and the presence of a higher power.
Confronting the Narcissist
Another pivotal moment in my life occurred when I was just a little girl of 11, and my world was dramatically altered by an 11-plus exam. This exam determined whether a child would attend a grammar school or a secondary school. My mother vehemently disagreed with me attending the prestigious Lady Elinor Hollis School for Girls. Her decision, influenced by her own background, was made with the best intentions, but it was a choice that had profound consequences. My mother eventually passed me on to an alternative secondary school, which ultimately led to my absence from the academic world and thrust me into a series of jobs with varying degrees of success.
As I matriculated into adulthood, I encountered the insidious reality of narcissism in the form of a harmful individual. Narcissists are masters at manipulating their victims, often causing deep psychological damage and failure in life. Their actions can lead to severe mental health issues, a fact that was not lost on me as I sought to understand and peel back the layers of their destructive behavior.
Pursuing Education and Healing
The decision to become a nurse at the age of 28 was a significant turning point. Despite the challenges posed by my bipolar disorder, I persevered, obtaining my R.N. and completing my midwifery course. However, my disorder continued to flare up, causing multiple job losses. It wasn't until my 54th year, when I received encouragement from my therapist and accepted the reality of my identity, that I truly began to grasp my worth.
In 2001, I completed my degree at a local university and achieved a GPA of 4.0. This accomplishment marked a significant milestone in my self-discovery journey. My acceptance of my intellectual capabilities was a crucial step towards healing and fulfillment. Since then, I have written five books that explore various aspects of life, including “How to Live with Bipolar,” “Bipolar 1 Disorder Rescue Plan,” “A Practical Guide to Overcoming Loneliness,” “We Never Did Mornings,” and the poetry collection “37 Symptoms of Bipolar Depression.” These books are available on Amazon and have been instrumental in sharing my story and experiences with a wider audience.
Looking back, my life's journey is a testament to the power of resilience, self-acceptance, and the transformative nature of knowledge and understanding.