A Unique Raising Experience: Growing Up in a Same-Sex Household
As a unique experience in parenting, growing up in a same-sex household holds its own set of challenges and unexpected outcomes.
My story is a bit twisted. I found myself, unintentionally, a part of a gay same-sex adoption/raising scenario. After an unsuccessful attempt to start a new life, I had to temporarily stay on the couch of an ex-boyfriend's gay share household. To everyone's surprise, it worked out better than anyone could have expected.
The Unexpected Arrival
One of the housemates decided to move out, providing an empty room. My ex-partner, a vocational teacher, decided to take me in, along with his young boyfriend, to live there permanently. It was an arrangement that all parties accepted as a short-term solution. Little did I know that it would lead to an unexpected turn of events involving a 15-year-old gay student named Ricky, who was being thrown out of his home due to his sexual orientation.
The Arrival of Ricky
Ricky, a gay teenager, was thrown out by his father due to his gayness. Surprisingly, his ex-partner had intervened and convinced his mother to allow him to live with us. The arrangement was made without technically lying, and we were conscious of the fragile foundation on which it was built. My ex-partner pointed out, “What do you expect me to do? The alternative is for him to be living on the street!”
Adaptation and Challenges
Ricky, now living in our home, was a savvy young man who found refuge from the pressure of being gay. My ex-partner acted as a house mother, while I, by default, became a kind of father figure. Ricky brought with him some bad habits, including a pack-a-day cigarette addiction and occasional marijuana use. We tried to set boundaries while being liberal and understanding, emphasizing that we couldn’t cater to his habits and were not his legal guardians.
The Testing of Limits
Soon, Ricky started testing the boundaries we set. When he challenged our authority, we reminded him of the risks involved in not following our house rules. Eventually, things settled down, and he introduced us to his first female friend, who became a close confidant. Ricky completed his year 10 schooling and graduated, deciding to move interstate to live with his large extended Muslim family.
Reflections and Lessons Learned
His move was hard for me to process as a personal rejection of our values. However, I was reminded that it was his free choice. Over the years, I couldn't help but wonder, “Where did we go wrong in raising him?” The feeling of not being a 'good' parent was particularly poignant. However, ten years later, Ricky returned and proudly introduced us to his boyfriend, a strong sign of his stability and self-confidence. He had grown into a self-assured young man, and it seemed that the mix of two parenting styles—gay household versus strict Muslim family—helped him find his own path and identity.
Conclusion
Reflecting on our parenting journey, it seems that our approach, though unconventional, wasn't all wrong. The combination of two parental figures from different backgrounds helped Ricky navigate his own identity, and that is a valuable lesson for any parent.