These “get-your-ex-back” guide tips are the starting points for learning how to reconcile with ex spouses, fiancés or lovers.  You may be surprised to find that they are mostly focused on you, and not on your ex.  There’s a good reason for that.  You can change yourself much faster than you can change your ex.  So if you really want to get back together as quickly as possible, pay attention to the advice that follows.

   1.  Accept the breakup for now.  It takes two people to make a relationship work, but it only takes one to break up.  You can’t force someone to want to be with you.  And if you force someone to stay by playing tricks like hiding car keys or controlling the bank account, you will only create misery and hostility.

If your partner wants to split, it’s best to just let go for now, and for you to behave as civilly as possible.  Don’t beg for them to stay.  Don’t throw a tantrum (or dishes).  Don’t make a scene (save the hysterical crying for after you lock the door behind them).  Understanding how to get your ex back using attraction rather than force is the key.  Learn to give your partner some time and space to start to miss you. 

     2.  Build up your own self-esteem.  Break ups can be devastating to self esteem, especially if you’re the one who got dumped.  The tricky part here is to be honest with yourself about your shortcomings, without wallowing in self pity because you’re now alone.  If you know deep down that your sloppy behavior around the house contributed to your breakup, don’t beat yourself up about what you ‘should have done’.   Instead, start practicing the new habits you want right away.  Acknowledging your part on the break up and taking action to change your own behavior will give you an immediate boost of empowerment and self esteem.

     3.  Make a point of starting to date again.  The reason behind this is to distract yourself from obsessing about your ex – NOT to try to make your ex jealous (although that could happen, and even work in your favor).  Use the dating to meet new people, try new things and book up your calendar so that you don’t have endless days and nights with nothing to do but think about but how much you miss your ex and wish you could get back together.  Instead, use this time to get out of your rut and become a more interesting person. 

Now that you have some ideas about what to do after a break up, find out about a step-by-step get-your-ex-back guide to get you started down the road to reconciliation.  Visit http://ExBackSystem.com to find out more.

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Whatever else has happened when you broke up, one emotion is sure to be present: hurt.

I don’t care if you are the person who initiated the breakup, or not — there’s enough hurt to go around for both parties.

Frequently, the person who decided to initiate the breakup did it as a way to communicate that they are hurting.  They may have tried a number of ways before. 

Did you notice? 

Were you listening?

That hurt often comes from a feeling that they are no longer special in your eyes. 

Perhaps other things have intervened, so you haven’t spent as much time with them.  It could be work, it could be studies, it could just be spending time with other people.
Let’s face it — there’s usually a heady beginning to romances.  Time when it seems like no one else in the world exists except the other person.  And the one person in the relationship feels the intoxication of feeling so very important to the other.

As a relationship grows over time, this heady time dissipates.  This is natural and healthy.  The intensity of the relationship serves an important purpose in forming bonds with the other, in learning about the other, in understanding the other.

And, as each comes to know the other, they form a foundation from which to explore the rest of the world — whether the exploration is in creating a family, growing a creative partnership, or simply having someone to talk things over with.

What often happens, though, is that a mis-understanding occurs in that heady time.  One person may have an abnormal need to be at the center of the other person’s attention.  They think that the other person should keep them on a pedestal, and believe that they have no faults.

Or maybe it’s simply that we human beings grow and learn at different rates. 

One person feels the need to spend less time with the other in order to accomplish other goals.  Within a relationship, kinks like this are common.  Mature love, though, finds a way to adjust to one another’s different rates of growth.

However, it’s often a learning that has to occur.  The one partner feels hurt because that not occupying their lover’s time with the same intensity means that they are no longer special to them.  And when they feel that, they feel hurt.

Sadly, many very compatible couples separate because they don’t understand this principle.  They feel that they must always move in synchrony — always wanting the same amount of the same things all the time.

Sometimes, simple awareness of these facts can help people right a relationship that has fallen apart.

However, if it’s gone so far that there has been attempts to hurt one another, greater action is required.

That’s why I created the Ex Back System, to help people come back together who deserve to be together — who truly love one another — but for one reason or another, a bump in the road has left them on opposite sides, hurting.  My system acts as salve to those wounds, to help you heal and grow together again.

Go to http://www.exbacksystem.com for more information

Brian

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“How To Make Up After A Fight – First Learn HOW To Fight”

Make Up After A Fight Scenario 1:

“Can’t you ever put the toilet seat down?”

“Well, you’re always leaving your underwear over the shower door!”

Make Up After A Fight Scenario 2:

“What have you been spending money on…our credit card balance is maxed out!”

“Well, if you didn’t keep buying home theater equipment, it wouldn’t matter!”

Okay … take a few deep breaths.  I suspect you can hear, as I can, the voices yelling and feel the temperatures flaring.

What’s going on here?

What is the one basic element of good communications that’s missing?

Certainly, in the direction things are going — nothing is likely to get resolved.

Give up?

No one is listening.

Many years ago, when I first went to couples-counseling, the counselor pointed out this very ineffective behavior pattern as he saw it happen between my partner and I.

Communication specialists have a name for it … they call it “cross complaining.”

And yes, in the U.S. Legal System (at the very least) — there is also something called a cross complaint.

Similar — but different.

Similar, in that, with the legal situation, a sued party turns around and is suing the party who is using them.

Different in that they both get appointed times where judges (usually) will hear each complaint.

Part of the problem, here, of course, is that people’s tempers, if not exploding, are on the verge of exploding.  Both parties are crying out in pain and they want to be assuaged.

What’s the resolution?

Well, each person needs to be heard.  And they need to “feel heard.”  This is a HUGE step in setting things right.

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You see, people often complain because of other problems.  Sometimes the complaint is only a symptom of other problems.  Sometimes the complaint is presented as a test, to see if it’s safer to explore deeper issues.

The first answer to cross-complaining is:  Only handle one problem at a time.

Allow that person to feel fully heard.

You may want to practice the technique called “active listening” — where you feed back what you heard the person say.

Let’s face it — the world isn’t going to fall apart if the toilet seats aren’t always put down.

Things with finances can be sticky — but, if the relationship is the priority — these issues can usually be resolved.

If you are the person who wants to “cross” the complaint — write down your complaint and arrange a time to discuss that — but only after you’ve dealt with the first issue.

This is just one way to help you in getting your ex back.  It’s not something you should be doing right after breaking up, generally.  However, it’s a common pattern that could have you split up for good if you don’t know how to handle it.

You can find out more about other strategies for getting back with your ex, and building that relationship into a strong, healthy one in my Ex Back System.  Why not give it a try?

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In those first moments when you realize it’s splitsville, any number of thoughts go buzzing through your head.

Maybe you wonder whether you could have done something different. 

Maybe you had been thinking it had been coming. 

Maybe it’s a wake up call that you’ve been taking them for granted. 

But do you really want your ex back?

Then one of the first things you’ll have to do is take responsibility.

You see, if you simply blame your ex for everything that went wrong in your relationship, you’ll never get anywhere.

There’s a very simple equation. 

If you find fault in others for your circumstances, then you are a victim.  And there’s one thing that victims have in common:  they are powerless to change things.  If you take responsibility for what has happened, then you acknowledge your power and your ability to change things.

Does that mean you have to say that your ex never did anything wrong, or say that they are (or were) perfect? 

Absolutely not. 

However, even in those things they’ve done that were wrong, you were a player — something you did, something you said, some way you acted played a role.

What you need to do is ferret out what that was.

This isn’t supposed to be an exercise in self-pity, or in making you feel bad about yourself.  Far from it.  But it is part of the process that you need to go through in order to set things aright. 

When you acknowledge your part — no matter how small, it’s much easier for the other person to admit their part, as well. 

And when you can both be that transparent, that vulnerable to one another — forgiveness can happen.

Discovering how to empower yourself so that you and your ex can grow back together is what my Ex Back System is all about.  You can get it now, and start that process — before it’s too late.

Want to know more … just click here.

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Thought you had a fixed social calendar for the holidays??

If you recently  broke up, you may now be at loose ends. 

Let’s face it, when you are in a relationship, holidays require careful scheduling to jam as many important visits to friends and relatives as possible.  More often, you make compromises, some events are left out, with decisions often painfully made.

So, after all that hard work, setting up the events on your social calendar — now what?

The winter holidays — whether you celebrate Christmas, Hannukah, Kwanzaa or the Winter Solstice — usually mean spending time with close relatives.

Who do you go see, now?

What do you do?

No doubt, sharing the Holidays creates special kinds of memories.  It brings remembrance of previous Holidays. Sometimes it’s the only time that you have arranged to see certain people during the year. 

Without your ex, looking forward to the Holidays may seem like an invitation to loneliness.

But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Here are some things that you can do, and build your own set of special memories. 

You can spend some special time with yourself, working on making you a better person.  We can all use that, right? 

One friend of mine spent a Christmas Eve going through photographs — something she’d long delayed in doing.  So many thoughts and memories swarmed through her mind that she finally pulled out a journal, and started writing them down.

There were thoughts about the people she loved, about what she thought she was doing in her life, what her purpose was.  She put these ideas together and came to some conclusions — conclusions that she felt she would not have made at any other time.  And commitments.

She tells me it was an emotional evening. 

Sometimes she broke it up to take a short walk.  She would notice things that she normally didn’t take such time to notice — how the various houses were decorated — or not.

But it opened new ways of thinking and feeling — ways that helped her to re-build her life, and eventually get her ex back.

But let’s think of some of the other possibilities…

As I mentioned in the beginning, being in a relationship usually means turning down one or more conflicting invitations.  Now that you are by yourself, call those folks up.  Just call them up and say “Hey, my plans have changed and I was wondering…do you still have a place for me?”

You can explain that it’s just you, and not you and your ex.  Many people love to include in their life the people who are feeling alone, lost and maybe even unloved.  It’s part of the feelings that arise for many people during the Holiday Season.

If travel arrangements were required,  it’s probably too late to get good airline deals.  (Though, if you have the time, look at different alternate travel methods — driving, hopping on a train — or even finding share-a-rides on CraigsList might make the travel still possible. You can make it an adventure!)

What if accepting previously turned down invitations doesn’t fit?

Consider this:  spend some time volunteering.  There are many people who are alone, and have no relatives.  Whether it’s helping at the local “soup kitchen” or the local food bank, your efforts are much appreciated.  I can remember attending a luncheon at a Senior Citizens’ residence, and how happy it made the senior citizens I ate with, and it gave me such a sense of unique warmth, I remember it fondly to this day.

In the meantime, if you’ve got my Ex Back System, keep working the system and reading the e-mails I’m sending you.  If not, and your heart is breaking … why not get it today?

Brian Bold

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Now we are in the “Holiday Season.”  An eventful time, filling calendars with numerous occasions.  Thanksgiving was last weekend in the United States — the only sanctioned 2 day holiday in the country.  Occurring on Thursday and Friday, it prompts many people to travel for holiday re-unions for what is, in effect, a “four day weekend.”  In fact, the days in and around Thanksgiving find more people traveling than at any other time.

College students frequently return home.  And for those who now find themselves returning to their parents’ home after their first extended time away, it can be a time of unpleasant surprises.

And, since I help people with their relationships, you can probably guess what that unpleasant surprise is:  a breakup.  In fact, if the requests for my help are any barometer, it may be the biggest breakup time ever.  While the romance celebration day — Valentine’s Day — is a little over 60 days away now, this much unheralded event has a place on any relationship consultant’s calendar: “Turkey Drop.”

You can even find the term commemorated in the Urban Dictionary.

The basic “turkey drop” occurs among high school sweethearts who have gone off to College in different locations — not seeing their sweetheart from the time they left for school until the Thanksgiving holiday. 

With all the new events and experiences around College, that intimate association with another — someone to share all these exciting happenings with — has gone.  New friends, new experiences, new ideas — there’s so much to share, and simply not enough time to share those life-changing events between the classes and the studies.

And the fabric of the relationship is slowly eaten away.  No one to share a celebratory hug when you get an “A”; no one to put their arms around you in consolation; no one to just “be a quiet presence” while putting in hours of study.

After all, it’s shared memories that help to create a relationship.

While coming out of college freshman experiences, “turkey drop” occurs among others, as well. If the relationship seems shaky, when do you decide to break up?  Breaking up just before Christmas seems like a cowardly thing to do, then there is New Year’s and, like I said, Valentine’s Day.  So, for some, it seems to be the perfect time to break up — and still have time to find someone to celebrate the following holidays with.

Did you breakup over Thanksgiving? 

Is your heart breaking?

That’s why I created the “Ex Back System” — to help people like you.  While I sincerely hope you don’t need it, it’s there if you need it.

Click here to get some advice on reversing your breakup, especially if you just experienced a turkey drop!

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It’s not easy getting over someone you love.  Watch the short video below that gives you expert advice for getting over your loved one.

Do you know you don’t actually have to get over someone you love….instead you can get them back instead!

Click Here To Get Your Ex Back

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Watch the short video below to get some tips for finding the right marriage psychologist to help you save your marriage.

Click here to learn how to get your ex husband or wife back

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